I enlisted a troop of relationship experts, psychotherapists, dating counselors, a life coach and a clinical hypnotherapist to tell me what they hold to be much more vital in relationships than the way a person looks or the number on their bank statement, and their answers were striking.First off, I spoke with experts and nearly all of them had a completely different take on the question.
"This third being needs love and support as much as we do as individuals."Think about it: If you have five years' history with someone, the relationship you share is no longer just about you and them; it also becomes about your mutual experience.
Everything from inside jokes to missed trains to fights to reconciliations to birthdays goes on this list, and becomes something of a collected, common, ever-present force.
(It's also worth saying that everyone has different conflict styles, and yours either aligns with your partners', or the two of you will have to figure out how to make your differing styles align if you're going to get anywhere together.) "I know what I personally need before I enter into a heated conversation," Roberts says: "Taking a moment to myself to breathe deeply and examine where and why my feelings are coming from, so I can calmly explain my end; and he knows he has to give me this space if he wants a rational and logical conversation," she says.
"Every single argument we've entered or issue we've discussed has brought us wildly closer together afterwards" as a result of their harmonious conflict style.
And it is vitally important."Looks fade; money comes and goes," Astarte says.
"What doesn't change is the commitment to the 'Third Being,'" this entity we call a relationship.
In fact, there was only one thing that was echoed by three different experts: values.
It seems as though the way our partners see things like religion, family, sex and money, as well as the way they see the world, is essential to a healthy, happy, compatible, simpatico relationship.
Here are the other 13 things that the crew of experts prioritized over money and external beauty.
(Hint: None of them have anything to do with what you can buy with disposable income or what kind of fashion choices you make, but rather all address the way one moves through life.